Battle of Supremacy: Daughter-in-Law VS Mother-in-Law

I believe the story of mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is not new to anyone in our society. I can’t say what this relationship is like outside Nigeria, but I am going to write from the Nigerian perspective. We all know that it is always difficult for two women to dwell together and live under the same roof in unity. It doesn’t matter how closely related they are, the truth is that even twins are not left out. I don’t know why this is happening and I don’t know when it is going to end, but as the male folks always say, women are their own worst enemies.

This battle among women gets hotter when a man decides to bring another woman home to become his flesh and body. A man is first his mother’s son and as it is said, no matter your age, you remain a child to your mother. Some mothers find it difficult to accept the fact that their son or daughter has grown and should be allowed some independence.

I have taken time to critically look at this issue because of the problems women are having in their relationships? Why is it that our men don’t have this same issue with their mothers-in-law? I have also wondered why fathers-in-law don’t always have issues with either the son or daughter -in-law. Isn’t this the same case of women being their own enemies? I had this as a post on my Facebook wall sometime ago and from the reactions, I could see that this is a very big problem that may need a very long time to be sorted out.  As you know... 

my Tuesday column is strictly for women while Friday is for men. I have noticed that when guys read Tuesday articles they are very happy and always bombard me with beautiful text messages. The same happens when ladies read the Friday column; I get wonderful messages from ladies as against the stones thrown at me when it doesn’t suit them. It will not always go the way we want it; that is life. 

I will start with daughters-in-law. I believe every woman was, is, and would be a daughter-in-law. The mothers-in-law were sometime daughters-in-law and daughters-in-law will someday become mothers-in-law. This is life;what goes around, comes around. When you understand that life is “turn by turn” as the musicians said it, you will be careful how you go through it. 

I know how difficult and frustrating it could be when you try and do all you can to make someone happy only for the person to keep on returning evil for good. In fact, it will take the spirit of God, an exceptional one for you to go on in your good deeds. A lot of good women and wives have been pushed to the point where they eventually become, like one of my friends says, 'worse than hurricane Katrina'. I know there are women who are from very good homes with godly upbringing, but they became different people after marriage due to blows received from life and in-laws. 

There are also women who are from very bad homes with no good upbringing and training received from the mother. This is why it is always advisable to check out the family and upbringing of the woman or man you want to go into marriage with. If the mother maltreats the father and other people around her, there is every tendency that your wife will have issues with your mother and siblings. But there are also some girls from very good homes and with very godly upbringing, but from mixing up with peers, have cultivated some attitudes and mentality that are completely opposite of what they were brought up to know. 

I have heard girls say they don’t want to get married to a man whose mother is still alive. I know this statement could have been made out of fear and anxiety. I know some girls say things like this after experiencing what their mother or sister went through in marriage. But I also don’t think it is a good enough reason for anyone to wish another dead. If you are someone with this kind of heart, it says one thing - you are not in love with the man because if you are, you won’t pray for anything that can cause him pain. 

Some women, even before getting into marriage, have this phobia for mothers-in-law. This is what makes a girl start fighting every one related to the man the moment she enters his house. Some of these mothers-in-law battles are actually ignited by daughters-in-law. Because of the mindset you carried into the marriage, you are careful not to be turned to a piece of rag by anybody. 

Written by: AMARA ...to be continued.