Oh God, what sort of thing is this?” Biola asked herself that wintry evening, all alone in her beautiful duplex in far away Houston, Texas, U.S.A. “What am I going to do to get a man to marry me?” she questioned herself again.
“I’ve tried all I could to get a suitable and responsible fiancé, but all of these moves have been fruitless. My parents, too, have tried their best to get me a suitor, but immediately the topic of marriage crops up, they all take to their heels, leaving me alone in my sad and lonely world. One day, I’ll kill myself if the right man doesn’t come along quickly. I’m in my early thirties now....
Age is definitely not on my side. God, why? Why?” The tears streamed down her face now.
If one could marry money, Biola Adebayo would have been married for a very long time. She was the only daughter of Chief Stephen Adebayo, the well-known multimillionaire international businessman. Biola was the only pain in the heart of Chief Adebayo. Biola’s situation was also a source of deep concern for her mum. The Adebayos were so desperate to have their daughter marry that they were ready to part with millions for any man who showed interest and ready to marry Biola.
You may be wondering why Biola’s marriage has a price tag. Actually, not that she was a hunchback or had askew teeth or had any health problem. The only problem she had was being obese. Biola was so fat that even elephants would sigh with surprise on sighting her. She was massively built, like a mountain. She ought to have a place in the Guinness Book of Records if they ever get to see her. Biola was so big that she found it difficult to move her legs and body. Everything about her was a triple over the normal size of ordinary people. Her head was extra-big, her belly, her boobs, her thighs, her legs and her arms. She started amassing so much weight when she was a toddler way back in those days when her dad became a millionaire and they relocated to the U.S. She could gobble down a mountain of food within a couple of minutes.
She was pampered too much by her doting parents who spoilt her with all the good things of life, including food. She loved eating junk foods, chocolate and ice cream with frenzied passion. Some of her friends in those early days used to call her ‘Miss Non-stop’, a nickname they coined because of her insatiable hanker for food. The fact was there was money in the house of the Adebayos that all their five children and their future generation couldn’t finish in their life time. So, they were over-fed, over-pampered and over-indulged.
Before they moved to the U.S., they had become so spoilt that they often called one of Chief Adebayo’s drivers by his first name. The man in question was old enough to be their dad.
The issue of marriage was uppermost in the mind of the Adebayos for their fat daughter. Time was running out, so they contacted a Nigerian socialite who promised to link them with a young Nigerian man who would marry Biola. The Nigerian socialite was a woman in her 50s. She was skilled in matchmaking, especially since the Adebayos had promised to dole out millions to any ‘lucky’ guy who chooses to marry their obese daughter. They promised to do the grand wedding ceremony in Lagos, Nigeria. Immediately after the wedding, they said, Biola and her husband would jet out to the U.S. to live there.
Without much ado, the matchmaker, Mrs. Famoyi, contacted a young Lagosian by name Deoti, who was an unemployed technician living in Ketu.
Mrs. Famoyi received N5m for the matchmaking job. Deoti, on his part, was more than happy when he realised that he would become a rich man and also an American resident.
Deoti was from a humble background. He was the second child of his parents who were local traders in Ketu. The photographs of Biola were given to him to see. To say Deoti was happy was an understatement; he was on top of the world. He beamed with smiles and he became very anxious to see his would-be wife.
Deoti was in his early 30s, of average height, small in stature and lanky. He lived in a ramshackle house with his aged parents. He wondered how God could graciously rain on him manna from heaven when he was getting really frustrated and angry over his poor condition.
It was a family friend who connected him to Mrs. Famoyi and when the good news was relayed to him, he jumped at it. The very day that Deoti accepted verbally to marry Biola, he was given N3m. An account was opened for him in Orient International Bank, Lagos, and the money was paid into it all the way from America. That very week, Deoti was so excited and overjoyed that he dumped his old friends and thought himself an instant celebrity.
Mrs. Famoyi warned Deoti not to have clandestine or secret plans up his sleeves, as this could break the heart of his would-be wife. He swore he would never disappoint. Deoti’s picture was also given to Biola a couple of weeks later and she was happy about the whole arrangement. She went about showing the picture of her would-be husband to her friends. She was in an expectant mood and could be seen giggling heartily that at last, she would be getting married.
Deoti and Biola spoke for the first time on the telephone and Biola was extremely happy. Ditto for Deoti whose life had suddenly changed from abject poverty and lack to super-abundant wealth. Biola’s parents spoke with Deoti and assured him that his would-be wife would arrive Lagos from the U.S. by month end. He was told that the marriage would be coming up in a month’s time, but before then, the Adebayos would arrive the country and stay in one of their palatial mansions in Victoria Island, Lagos.
As this sweet and tantalising development unfolded, Deoti started dreaming of a new world. He thanked almighty God for making all these happen to him, but sincerely, he knew he was definitely not in love with the excessively fat lady in the picture he was holding in his hand. Somehow, the whole thing still looked like a dream — from rags to riches, just like that? It was unbelievable to him, but it was real!
“Time will tell if the relationship would last,” Deoti thought pensively. “She might not be as fat and huge as I imagine,” he thought conclusively. Deoti reasoned that there was no way he wouldn’t stab her at the back.
Deoti started counting the days in anticipation of his fat fiancée’s arrival from America. Then the last week of the month was around the corner. Chief Adebayo himself phoned Deoti, informing him that they would arrive the country in the last weekend of the month. Deoti was more than happy. He was at the Murtala Mohammed International Airport to receive the family of his fiancée. It was a large entourage. Immediately Deoti set his roving eyes on his fat fiancée, he chuckled with delight. Biola herself was very happy and excited to see her fiancé. Five state-of-the-art cars were on hand and waiting at the car park to take the entourage to Chief Adebayo’s mansion in Victoria Island.
The would-be couples were seated at the back of the white Lexus Jeep. It took close to five minutes before Biola managed to squeeze herself into the jeep. Deoti wondered at the massiveness of his fiancée, thinking how it would be pretty difficult to have a romantic life with this mountain of a woman! But there was nothing he could do, since money was the rule of the game. And he needed money badly! Biola and Deoti exchanged banter, chatting heartily endlessly. Biola was a master’s degree holder in International Relations, while Deoti was a technician with just a secondary school certificate result.
Biola tried to be simple enough in communication, while Deoti tried as much as possible to speak English with an American accent so as to match up with his well-educated fiancée.
Later, Chief Adebayo and his wife had a lengthy discussion with Deoti, telling him that about N20m would be paid into his account after the wedding ceremony. Deoti was over excited. A date was fixed for the society wedding; it was to take place three weeks later.
The Adebayos volunteered to spend about N40m for the grand wedding ceremony. Actually, Deoti knew they were ‘buying’ him over for their daughter. “But who cares?” he thought. He had a secret plan in his mind.
Gradually, the date fixed for the wedding was around the corner. The Sheraton Hotel and Towers was the reception venue. All the movers and shakers of the political and business class were invited. It was one of the grand marriages of the millennium. It was beamed on the TV and the radio stations relayed it too. There was so much to eat and drink for the numerous guests that graced the ceremony. Guests came from all walks of life. Some flew in all the way from Europe and America to attend the memorable ceremony.
At a point when the couples were waving at the guests, a section of the guests booed: “Ole! Ole! Ole!” meaning “Thief! Thief! Thief!” at the groom. Deoti knew he was the one being booed by the local guests, but he didn’t budge. He still held his head high and disregarded the embarrassment.
Sincerely, the marriage was fantastic and expensive. About four hefty-looking guys stood in as chaperons for Biola, whose mountainous figure and heavy flab of flesh needed assistance. Without the assistance of these hefty-looking guys, it would have been very, very difficult for her to move.***
Written by Segun Durowaiye.
[Original title: King of Suspense: Once Upon A Marriage (1)]
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